Let’s face it, people want to have sex.
And honestly, nobody likes to be told what to do.
But when it comes to sex there need to be boundaries because it’s such a powerful thing.
So where do you draw the line?
Maybe we need to ask a different question. Rather than “How far is too far?”, let’s ask the question, “How much of yourself do you want to hold on to now so you can give it to your future husband or wife?”
Imagine for a moment, it’s your wedding night. You’ve spent months planning for this amazing wedding, spent bucko bucks on the flowers and ceremony. You even had that awesome band you wanted at the reception. But now you’re alone with this person that you have promised – in front of all those witnesses – to love and cherish for the rest of your life.
If you’ve already had sex before, then what will be the big deal about the wedding night? Hey, you might as well have saved all that money for the deluxe honeymoon suite and gone to play miniature golf instead! Wow, what a let down. The reality of “been there, done that” hits you in the face! (Maybe that’s why so many couples go on amazingly expensive honeymoons. Maybe they are looking for some other way to make it memorable.)
But, if you’ve saved it all! No one has gone there before. It’s all undiscovered territory. Then this night is a night like no other. This night is special beyond your wildest dreams! It’s the night you’ve looked forward to long before you even met your new marriage partner, because you’ve thought of this night a million times before while you were growing up. Your heart is beating wildly in your chest, you can’t wait to see your partner naked for the first time. It’s like opening Christmas gifts and getting everything you ever wished for. (A woman I know who was choosing abstinence from sex until marriage always told me that her honeymoon was not going to be in any exotic vacation place. She said that she wanted to go to some secluded boring cabin in the woods, because she planned on being quite busy with her new husband and wouldn’t have time for all the sight-seeing! I heard she got married last spring. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen her since then…)
Okay, back to the point:
You can technically go as far as you want to go now, but then you have to deal with all the negative consequences of going that far. And believe me, there are consequences. Or you can wait, and save the present until that special night; after you’ve made a promise to someone you love with all your heart and then present them with the special package of YOU!
These are the main stages of physical intimacy :
- The Look
- Small talk
- Holding hands
- Casual Kissing
- Passionate Kissing
- Touching over clothes
- Touching under clothes
Where do you want the person you’re going to marry to have drawn the line with those who were before you? Do you want that person to have “made out” lots of times? What about one time? And would it be OK with you that someone else has touched that future spouse in intimate places? Is it okay if your future husband or wife had gotten naked with someone else? What if that person you will marry has already been touched by someone else? How would you feel if you ever met that person from your spouse’s past? Would you be alright if your future spouse had had lots of partners over time? Would you be worried about diseases?
It’s a whole lot different when you think about the person you’re going to marry, isn’t it?. You want that person reserved just for you. Well, guess what, your future husband or wife wants you “reserved” too. It feels really good to know someone saved everything for you, and was willing to wait for you. It makes you feel cherished and highly valued.
So the question you have to answer is not “How far is too far?”, but “How far do you want your future husband or wife going?” Then that is probably the answer you’re looking for…that’s the standard you should set for yourself.