Answers

FAQs / What you want to know but are afraid to ask in class.

Cedar Springs High School Winners

Cedar Springs Writing Challenge Winners

Feb. 2012

 

Dear future soul mate,

I have waited for you my whole life and now am ready to give my treasure to you. I waited for you because I didn’t want the emotional baggage. I also knew that God would want me, as his daughter, to wait for physical pleasure. Condoms have a failure rate of 14% and you still have a 50% chance of getting a STI. I didn’t want to have someone else’s baby. I want to have a baby with you. I want the baby to have your eyes and your handsome smile. Not the smile and eyes of the guy that I could have slept with that probably wouldn’t stay with me through the responsibility of a child. It’s been tough for both of us to stand up underneath the peer pressure to have sex. But at times, having stood up under it has made it easier to be with each other and love one another. I respect you and love you. I trust that you aren’t marrying me for sex. I want you to be the courageous man of our house and lead me and our children in the right path. Real loves waits. Baby we have real love. I’m ready to commit to you and I’m emotionally ready for an intense relationship.

With all my love, Your wife

Hey yo Paul,

You should wait because there are serious consequences for having sex bro. One is you can get disgusting diseases like herpes. And from some of the stuff you can get really sick. Did you know the failure rate of the condom is 15% when it comes to getting a girl pregnant. Make sure that you don’t put them in your wallet because that will make the failure rate worse.

You definitely don’t want to get a chick pregnant that’s for sure. Dude you know that people say pull out method, but that doesn’t work, it’s stupid and if the condom breaks that would suck because here comes the kid. You don’t want to go there. And all that guilt and the pressure you will have when you still have college to get through. Thanks for hearing me on this.

Your friend.

 

Dear Future Son,

I am writing this letter right now to give you some advice. I know that being a teen/pre-teen can be stressful, but I believe that you can overcome all of the pressure. Just follow the advice that I give you, and your teen years should be a breeze.

Pick good friends. Friends will sometimes be the people who tempt you the most, but if you pick good friends they won’t do that. If you are nice to everybody you will have a wide selection to choose from.

Also, wait to have a girlfriend. If you don’t have a girlfriend who will pressure you into having sex? Nobody will!

Another vital piece to having great teen years is to never have sex until you are married. You won’t have so much emotional baggage such as feeling used, feeling guilty and having a bad reputation. I love you and I can’t (but will) wait to meet you!

Love, Mom

Dear Future husband,

I have decided to wait on having sex until I marry you. There are any reasons why I have chosen this fate. One reason why is because the best sex is in marriage and I lonely want to be bonded to he one I am married to, which would be you. I wouldn’t want all the emotional baggage, guilt, memories, and comparison from other relationships. There would also be the chance of getting a STD like Chlamydia, Herpes, AIDS, or others. Not only do the side effect cause me to suffer, but other people I have sex with! Oh, and if I get pregnant….whew! My parents would kill me. Not literally, but my life would be trashed. School…gone, friends…gone, work/job…gone, and my life goes down the drain just like that! That’s why I have decided to wait and I hope you do too.

Yours Truly – your future wife

Dear Friend,

Since you told me that you’re going through a tough time and making tough decisions, here’s what I think you should do. Seems how your considering having sex with your girlfriend, I’m gonna tell you what I think about that decision. I think you should wait till you’re of legal age and get engaged to her. Then later you can get married to her, but the wrong decision to do is get engaged to her and have sex then. Once you get married to her and go on your honeymoon is when you should have sex with her.

Save sex for the one you get married to. Don’t just go around while you’re a teen or in high school and have sex with every girlfriend you have. Just wait til you get married before considering having sex with her.

Sincerely, your bud

Dear Friend,

You should wait to have sex until marriage because it is a serious issue. It’s not like you can snap your fingers and “bam”, you walk away like nothing happened! There are many of things that could happen – a baby, STIs, guilt and other negative feelings.

Please choose abstinence over some sex fling. If sex becomes the central focus of the relationship, like some sort of addiction then it would no longer be a meaningful relationship. Choose abstinence!

Your Friend

Dear Friend,

Seriously, you need to listen to me. I think you should wait to have sex with your boyfriend. Just look at everything that could go wrong. I mean do you really want to end up pregnant and with a baby while you’re still in high school? Or you could get one of those STI thingies and then imagine what your parents will say! You will lose their trust in you. Even if nothing like that happens, think of all the guilt you will feel, especially if you know your wouldn’t approve.

Really one little mistake like this one will ruin tons of things for you. Please listen to me. Don’t you want to wait to commit yourself to one man? You won’t have to constantly be reminded of your previous relationships comparing each one to another.

If he is pressuring you, remember the S.T.O.P. from the Willing to Wait class. Use it, you don’t have to be forced into this. All I want is the best for you , so make a good choice.

Love, Your Friend

Dear Future Daughter,

You should wait to have sex because it’s better for you. You don’t want to end up getting an STD or end up pregnant. I know if you ever did have sex you would keep it a secret from me, and then if you do that you would feel worried and nervous to ever talk to me thinking I would find out or you would spill it. But if you did do that how would you know if you got pregnant or got a nasty and disgusting STD.

You may think that most of the kids in your school have had sex, already, but mostly all of them are lying. You don’t want to make the biggest mistake of your life and have sex because a fairy won’t pop up and make you go back in time like in the movies.

I hope that you will listen to me.

Love, Mom

Dear future daughter,

I want to teach you about abstinence and why it is so important. Abstinence means to be willing to wait till marriage to have sex. It is so important to wait until you are married because you want your first experience to be positive and afterwards you want to be able to know that the next day he will still be there for you. Also, it is so much easier to say “no” to the guy then to say “I’m pregnant” to your parents. I also want you to know about the emotional baggage. If you have sex before you are married then you will feel things like guilt, fear and worry, loss of respect, memories and comparisons, feeling used and a poor reputation.

Love, Your Mom

Dear Future Husband,

I’ve decided to wait to have sex until our wedding night because I don’t want to have any major baggage or anything like that. I want to show you that I saved myself for you and I want to know you saved yourself for me too. If you wait, it will really show how much you love me and I love you. I don’t want to have sex and worry about getting an STD. I don’t want to worry about getting pregnant. I don’t want to be thinking of another person when I’m with you. I want to be married to you and not deal with the guilt of being with another person. I do not want to feel used and I don’t want to get hurt. I just want to wait! I just want to be mature enough and I hope you understand I really do. If you’re not willing to wait then I know you don’t love me.

Your future wife

Riverside Middle School

Dear Future Daughter,

Waiting to have sex before marriage is very important.
You don’t want to live with a bad reputation with names like “Hoe or Slut.”

You don’t want to live with loss of respect, fear, worry, or guilt.
Well, waiting means a more positive life.

Love, Your Future Mom

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Dear Daughter,

I have chosen to save myself for my marriage to have sex, because if you have sex young you will regret it. It may change the way you are and the way people treat you. It may cause another to hurt your feelings. Sex can put more emotions in you and mess you up. You may want to then harm yourself, because of the pain you feel. The consequences may never be forgotten and could scar you for a long time. This is why I have chosen to wait and hope you have as well.

Mom

***********

Dear Friend,

I just wanted to tell you that it is good that you haven’t lost your virginity yet, but I have been hearing how your boyfriend is trying to “get into your pants.” I think you should wait until you get married to have sex, because he will probably leave you after he has used you. If you be weak let him take it, but I believe you to be strong. I’m here for you.

Love you, Your friend.

What they won’t tell you about solo-sex

My Dear Love

Alone in your room, it’s been a long day and you’re ready to forget and just feel. Alone, you can imagine whoever, however, whatever you want. Solo-sex makes you feel good, known, loved, larger than life.

We are told ‘Masturbation is a way to learn your body, and then you will know what sensations you like.’ But what if, we don’t ‘learn’ our bodies, instead we teach our bodies what to like?

Through masturbation, over time, your body becomes hypersensitive to your particular touch. So much so that solo-sex makes it difficult for your body to respond to your spouse’s touch because they will touch you differently. Essentially, your body will have to unlearn your touch and relearn his/hers. Often this process takes time, requiring a lot of communication and patience.

So, your body learns. Amazing creations our bodies are! As you teach your body what touch to respond to while thinking about what you want out of sex, with fantasies that turn you on, over and over day after day, in your mind, sex becomes all about you, your pleasure, your feel good, your orgasm. Then, one day, you will get married to your sweetheart and sex is still all about you because you trained your body that way. This could pose a problem…

Sex is meant to be so much richer and more satisfying than you alone in your room. Think of your sex drive this way: your desire for sex is for the person you want to build a forever life with. View your sex drive as a calling for your future wife or husband to fulfill and avoid developing habits that will rob them of the ability to pleasure you. Sexual arousal was meant to bring us into intimate knowing of each other; solo-sex robs us of sex’s fundamental nature– to be together. Together: physically—mentally– emotionally in a bond that stands the test of time, culture and pain.

What is solo-sex?
• Solo sex, or masturbation, is the rhythmic stimulation of the genitals with the intention of becoming aroused.
• Solo-Sex may bring a sense of pleasure or release, but ultimately it falls short of satisfying our build in desire to be known.
• Check this out: What Are You Waiting For? The One Thing No One Ever Tells You about Sex -by Dannah Grash

I Thought I was in Love…

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woman wall man 425x282From vampires to Avatar, every girl wants a dashing love story; full of romance and forevers. All you have to do is go get it, right?

When relationships end (as they often do) and love stories are shattered, girls are time and again left in a pool of tears, ice cream and a chick flick. Why is it so hard to forget about him after sex? ’It was only one night!’ or ‘We only messed around a couple times!’ We girls are told: “Hook up and hook out- no emotional baggage- no attachment- not problem!” But is it always that picture perfect?

Research has found that no emotional baggage is a lie; sex isn’t just something we do for fun. Sex bonds two people together profoundly.

Here’s the deal: Meet my little friend oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone (yea like in sex ED) that your brain produces when you have intercourse, or even when you are intimately touched. This hormone doesn’t care if you ‘just wanna have fun’ or feel good for a night, this hormone literally bonds you and your partner together emotionally during sex (including a one night stand, long term relationship, or even oral sex). Put oxytocin and sex together- you will likely become addicted to the dopamine rush [dopamine– think rollercoaster/skydiving/ emotional high]. Oxytocin is your best friend when you want to trust a guy- when you want to be attached, like in a marriage. But there is so much more to a girl than hormones.

We want to belong and feel loved so much that we will do anything to feel loved, known and important– including giving ourselves away with sex. Ericson says that from ages 12-20 we are discovering who we are and we numb the loneliness by saying “It’s better to have someone than no one!” What we really need, is someone to love us for who we are- without sex.

It all boils down to this:
Don’t hug ‘em if you don’t trust ‘em!
If you hug a guy for more than 20 seconds–
your brain releases oxytocin and you will trust him.
Figure out IF he is trustworthy by watching his character for a long time first.
Because…
Hug + Boy + 20 Sec = TRUST

Does it hurt when ur cherry pops?

The slang term “cherry” refers to a thin membrane around or over the vaginal opening called the hymen.  If a young lady  has an intact hymen, there is strong evidence that she has not had sex.  Some cultures highly value this as proof of a  woman’s claim of being a virgin before marriage, and therefore her honor.

However, if a woman’s hymen is ruptured, that does not mean that she has had sex.  She could still be a virgin.  Some  females are not even born with a hymen.  Her hymen may have been ruptured through having sex, but could also have  been ruptured through some other way (by the use of tampons or by some forms of exercise, for instance).
When the hymen is broken or ruptured, a small amount of blood may be released.  This is to what the slang term “pop the  cherry” refers.

So what this question really seems to be asking is this:  does it hurt the first time a woman has sexual intercourse?

The answer is:  it depends. It might, but doesn’t have to. 

The hymen itself does not seem to have alot of nerve endings, and so it is not especially painful.  But sex may be uncomfortable for a woman for a number of reasons.  To avoid this, she should feel completely free to relax and trust her partner to be careful and gentle.  The ideal situation would be to have sex for the first time with the man who just stood  up in front of all their family and friends to pledge his love and commitment to her for a lifetime, and for him to listen carefully to her about what feels good to her and what does not.

Is using two condoms safer than using just one?

No!

Two is NOT better than one when you’re talking about condoms. Using two condoms (“doubling up”) actually increases the chance that the condom will break. Why? Because two condoms create more friction, friction produces heat, and heat increases the chance of the condom slipping off and breaking.

Teens Speak Out @ Waiting in “Letters to the Future”

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Thought-provoking reasons to wait until marriage for sex, shared by students who entered the Willing to Wait “Letters to the Future” Writing Contest each school year:

I am being abstinent until marriage because I don’t want the memories of past partners to creep into my mind when I’m on my honeymoon with you.

Waiting for you is like waiting for the sun to rise. It takes time, but it is meant to happen at some point. And that point for us is marriage.

I am being abstinent until marriage because I don’t want the memories of past partners to creep into my mind when I’m on my honeymoon with you.

I know I’m worth waiting for till marriage, and you are too.

I think you should wait until you have a stable marriage before having sex. Then you would know that you can truly trust that person and they like you because of what’s on the inside, not because that person likes your body.

If you page through a newspaper you can read about actors and actresses who hook up and have kids out of wedlock, or live with each other—you can picture the rest. Most of these relationships are tumultuous, destructive, and often end badly. Why are they so angry and so hurt? Because they have been sexually involved with each other and they are unmarried.

Another reason I chose to wait was that I can have a clean conscience before my future wife–you. By waiting I am avoiding the worries of having a child now, too.

First of all, regardless of how much you may love a girl, there is still a chance you won’t marry this one. Sex is a great way to emotionally “glue” yourself together with a person. Having sex before you’ve committed yourself permanently to one person causes grief and regret.

If you save sex for the person you marry, it will have way more value and meaning. It will also make the person you marry respect you more.

If you and your future spouse have both waited, there isn’t any fear about STDs!

I will wait for you because I know you are worth waiting for.

I know that deciding to wait will be one of the best decisions I will probably make in my life. So I will stick with my choice.

If he REALLY TRULY loved you, he’d wait for you.

You could also get pregnancy and then what would you do? Your life would change in so many ways.

Sex can be a good thing, if you wait till you are married; and I encourage you to share this information with your girlfriend. You will be glad that you waited.

I would highly advise you to reconsider having sex with your boyfriend. You are worth the wait…Tell your boyfriend the reasons why you’ve decided to save sex until marriage.

I really hope that you agree with me and decide to save sex until we get married. That would make me feel very special.

You know those birth control pills; they don’t work 100% every time you use them just like condoms they are not 100% going to keep the girl from becoming pregnant.

If you feel under pressure by a person say no! or stop! Very firmly or just leave.

If I wasn’t willing to wait my life would have taken many wrong turns and had many negative effects.

I think it’s only safe to save sex until marriage…when you get married, you can start out strong and healthy.

Sex is something you can wait for because once your virginity is gone, you can’t get it back. Please wait till marriage.

A way to not be pressured into having sex is don’t be alone with your boyfriend or girlfriend at home. Hang out in groups, and don’t do drugs.

I have a good reputation and I want to keep it that way. Boys respect me and I like that.

I’m waiting until we’re forever bound
Other guys may come along
They may sweep me away without a sound.
But I will stand strong.

So now that you know my values I hope you respect them and me and if not good bye.

My one and only important question before we get married….DID YOU WAIT FOR ME??

I chose to wait and I am glad I did. There are so many good reasons to wait to have sex.

Your virginity is very valuable, like a diamond, so keep it on lock.

People might have thought it was stupid to wait, but I sure am worth waiting for. I’m too good for just settling for “now and not sure.” I want to “wait and be secure.”

I just don’t want to, and if you can’t accept this, I’m out.

Dear Beloved Wife (To Be): I have decided to wait to have sex until I marry you–because I love you.

Wait for the best sex-on your HONEYMOON.

I really have NO desire to have an STD.

Even though you know it may be hard, your good decisions will keep you motivated.

Do you feel like saying to your mom and dad “Hey, I’m pregnant with my boyfriend’s baby.” How would you feel if he dumps you if you are pregnant?

The other day when I was talking to you, you told me that you really loved your boyfriend and wanted to take the next step. We both know you were talking about sex. As a friend, I really think you should wait to have sex until you’re married. Let me tell you why.

There is going to be a lot of pressure on you to have sex, but I hope you will wait, not just because I want you to but because it is better for you too.

Go on double dates. Go out to public places to be surrounded by others. Set boundaries ahead of time and don’t cross them. My dad used to tell me to keep “buttons buttoned and zippers zipped” and it’s so true.

If we save sex for marriage, God promises to bless us! We won’t have to worry about unplanned pregnancies or STDs or emotional and spiritual problems. There’s so much risk to not waiting…why take that risk?

So, even though sex may be a great pleasure in life, it is best to wait until marriage to have it. I want to provide a healthy relationship for the two of us, and I want you to know that I saved my body for you and only you.

Break ups are harder if there has been sex…and after having sex in relationship after relationship, sex will lose its meaning and when you get married after that, the bond of love will not be as strong.

Sex is to be enjoyed only with the person I marry. By waiting, I am showing self-control, and respect for my future wife. Sex is better in a secure loving relationship, like marriage. I don’t want sex to lose its meaning and value to me.

It might be difficult when you are in a relationship, but you still have no excuse if you decide not to wait. Hanging out with that girl in a healthy place is the one thing you have to work on. Stay away from bedrooms, just stay in public places like restauants or the movies. And stay away from alcohol and drugs so you can think clearly….

If we were married, it would be way more easy to take care of a kid.

I want to know if you are that special one and that you are going to stay with me…not be just a “hit-it-an-quit-it.” That is why I want to wait.

When is a person a person?

Have you ever wondered what is the big deal about the abortion issue? Doesn’t it seem insensitive to women to make abortion illegal? And what if a woman was pregnant because of rape or what if her life were at risk because she is pregnant?

There is no doubt that the news of a pregnancy might not be welcomed by some women. Sometimes being pregnant means big life changes, with some of those changes being quite difficult. I don’t think anyone argues that point.

In our society, we believe that all of us deserve to have certain rights–simply because we are human beings. No matter how different from each other people may be, we understand that they are people and should be treated with dignity.

Their lives matter. They have great value. Even though animals are valued and property is valued, we hold on to the truth that we as human beings are not in the same category as these.

We are different. The life a person is precious and that life is worth protecting.

So the question that must be answered is: when is a person a person?
If a person is a person when he is born, or when he can viably live outside the womb, then some kinds of abortion would be no big deal.

But what if a person is a person at the moment he is conceived? Would abortion be alright? Is it morally acceptable for a person’s life to be terminated because the impact that person’s life has on others may be stressful or difficult?

The answer is no. We cannot take the life of one person so that so that another person’s life is less stressful or complicated.

It can be argued that there is very little difference between the person who lives outside the womb and the person who lives inside the womb. Consider this:

Size:
The person who lives outside the womb is bigger than the person inside the womb. But is it alright for us to say that someone who is smaller does not have the same rights as someone who is bigger? Does a person who is over six feet tall have more value as a person than someone who is barely four feet tall?

Level of Development:
There are many stages of human life-infant, toddler, preschooler, schoolager, teen, adult, elderly-to name a few. Does a person who is in a later stage of life have more value as a person than someone who is in a much earlier stage? Does a teen’s life have more value than a toddlers? No. Neither does the person who has already been born have more rights than the person who is waiting to be born. Before birth, there are stages of human life, too-like embryo and fetus for instance.

Environment:
Do people who live in Florida “count” more than people who live in Michigan? We would laugh as such an idea as obsurd. Still, there is question about whether an unborn person is actually a person because where he resides is inside a womb.

Degree of Dependency:
Some people require assisstance in their daily lives. A person who is blind might depend on others in many ways. Certainly a person who is a baby is very dependant on his mother for shelter, food, clothing, and hygiene. Would we ever say that that baby has less value or has fewer rights than an adult who lives with a high degree of independance? Of course not. That is why we should consider than the preborn infant, though completely dependant on mother, still has incredible value and should be givien the same kind of rights and protection as the child who is already born. [Read more...]

My girlfriend just let me know that she’s pregnant. I’m not ready to be a dad and I’m seriously thinking of telling her to get an abortion. I’d even pay for her to have one. What should I do?

None of us should be having sex if we are not ready for what could happen, because sex creates babies. But now that you found out that your girlfriend is pregnant you have a lot to think about. Try not to rush into a decision even if it feels like you need to. Talk with your girlfriend and discuss what your options are. Try to get some good counsel from wise people in your life. Maybe even go to a pregnancy care center where they will discuss the options over with you.

What your girlfriend probably needs right now is your support and knowing that you will be there for her. Most girls don’t want abortions, but often feel pressure from their partners to have one. Abortion is a serious decision and not necessarily over and done with after the procedure is finished. Some people experience post abortion syndrome (depression, anxiety, flashbacks, etc) that affect men as well. Don’t freak out. You’ve got some time to make this decision. Before you decide make sure you have ALL the information on the pros and cons of each possible choice.

Do I have to avoid sex forever to avoid STDs?

NO!  It is totally possible to have sex (and lots of it!) and still avoid infection!

But before I tell you how, you must first know that sexual contact is not the only way to get an STD or STI:

1.   Some people have gotten them passed on from their mothers—either at birth or through breast-feeding.

2.   Some people have gotten them by being exposed to someone else’s bodily fluid in a non-sexual way—like from sharing a dirty needle for drugs or being exposed to someone else’s blood in a bad car accident.

3.   Some people have gotten them through certain types of skin-to-skin contact—like touching someone in an infected area.

If those situations don’t apply to you then here’s how to avoid the risk of STIs:

1.   Wait until you are married to have any kind of sexual contact.
2.   Marry someone who is free from any STIs. (How can you know for sure? Well, take a lot of time (years) to get to know that the person is trustworthy and honest. If that person has had sex before, he or she should get tested after avoiding sex for six months or so.)
3.   Stay faithful in that marriage. If you don’t cheat on each other, you don’t introduce new STI risks to the relationship!
4.   The two of you can have as much sex as you want without the worry of STIs!

ENJOY!

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