Aren’t sexually active teens happier in their life because they are having sex?

You would think that because there is pleasure in sexual activity that sexually active teens would be happier. That is not the case. Unfortunately, there is a strong association between sexually active teens and poor emotional health.

Sexually active teens are more than twice as likely as virgin teens to be depressed and/or attempt suicide. Teens report that they had less self esteem after becoming sexually active, and a lot more regret.

Also, sexually experienced teens, especially girls are much more likely to experience dating violence, sexual abuse, and unwanted or forced intercourse than their virgin peers.

What is the risk of me sending my boyfriend a sexy picture of me via my cell phone?

It’s called “sexting” and it’s when a naked or sexually suggestive photo, video or message is sent with a cell phone. In many states it is treated the same as child pornography, and is considered a federal offense to have child pornography in your possession. A teen can be labeled a sex offender and be treated as a criminal for sexting.

Once a photo or message is sent, there is no guarantee it won’t end up online somewhere, where you won’t have any control over who sees or uses it.

It takes just a few seconds to send a photo, but it would have a life long impact.

Ladies: Release your “Inner Princess”

little princess on pink bed

I had an adventure many nights when I was little. My twin bed was a flying carpet. I could see for miles. I was being chased by a terrible dragon and my prince was in hot pursuit of us both to rescue me. There was always a struggle, in which I would nearly fall off my magic carpet, plummeting to my doom—that is to say, the floor. My prince would fly by right in the nick of time and I would fall into his arms to safety. We would embrace and, of course, I would kiss my prince—that is, my pillow.

Then my mom or dad would holler from the living room for me to get in bed and be quiet and go to sleep.

I wonder if most little girls pretend they are princesses at some point in their childhood. Something inside us longs to be special and beautiful. We long for an honorable champion to fight for us.

Is this just child’s play or does this resonate in our hearts as being more than that? Maybe we played like that because in our deepest emotions we want someone to see that we are worth fighting for.

This deep-seated emotion does not go away as we grow up. We still want to know that we are of great value and are cherished.

This is not to say that wanting to be treated like a princess is to be needy or helpless or a victim. No! Princesses are strong, and courageous too.

We fight dragons, too, after all.

I just think it means, for many of us, that we just don’t want to have these adventures of life alone…we would rather have a prince for a soul mate.

A prince that is strong and brave.
A prince that is good and honorable.
A prince that is handsome and wholly committed.

Even if it means fighting dragons with us.

So don’t be afraid to keep seeing yourself as a princess. Because, you are one. And definitely don’t waste your time kissing any frogs.

A True Story – Anonymous

Woman with Arms Up

I wish I had waited.

Woman in LotusWhen I said “yes” to doing some sexual stuff, I didn’t realize that I was saying “yes” to eventually going all the way. But after doing some stuff-like mutual masturbation and oral sex-the reasons I had for not going all the way seemed pointless. Plus I had a lot of curiosity about sex, since there is so much hype about it, from friends and movies and music, not to mention the guy I was dating. Over the course of time and over several serious relationships, I eventually gave in.

Afterwards, I would think “That’s it?” but I never said that to the guy. I didn’t want him to feel bad or get mad at me…or worst of all, break up with me. At that point, it was extremely important to me that he liked me-even loved me-because I had just invested so much. I had to keep my little fantasy alive in my mind that everything was wonderful.
Also, I had been lying to my parents over the years. I’d say we went to this or that movie, when really we just would park the car and mess around. I even tried to convince myself that it was bringing us closer together, but it really only made me more worried that the relationship would dissolve.

And it would dissolve, every time. I was left feeling insecure about myself: what if I he breaks up with me after I just gave everything I’ve got…would I have anything special left to offer in the next relationship?

I eventually stopped looking for a heart connection, altogether. I just wanted to party and have fun. More specifically: I wanted to numb the pain with alcohol and casual sex. But I just felt worse and worse. I thought about suicide.

I was in seriously bad shape emotionally.

But thankfully I was able to make a big change. Through the help of some people who cared for me and encouraged me, I was able to start seeing myself as a person who has incredible value. It was hard to see at first, but I finally figured out that I was seriously putting myself at risk-especially my heart. And I am one of the fortunate ones. I never had to deal with a pregnancy before marriage, or the humiliation and physical pain of an STD. I realize now just how high the chances were to have either of these problems in my life. I am so thankful to God!

I stopped having sex. I stopped partying. I started hanging out with new friends who were a good influence on me. And I started feeling pretty good about myself for the first time in a long time. I actually started to have fun again, believe it or not! I even decided that, even though having a boyfriend sounded nice, it was also pretty nice to be without one too! I no longer needed a guy to feel self-worth.

Woman with Arms UpAll this happened over the course of years–starting with those bad choices in high school, partying and feeling so depressed in college, and finally getting my life back on track after college. Now I am married to a guy who believes in me, loves me and respects me. I have a beautiful child now too. I have now found what I really wanted all that time ago-feeling good about myself and having the confidence to enjoy being me. Starting over let me do that.

I am so glad I am not the same person that I used to be.

Sex Killed My Best Relationships

Young Man in Red

I had a college sweetheart, she was the girl of my dreams…

Standing ManWith her everything was exciting. We totally clicked. We waited for a while, then, through my constant pressure, we started having sex. Sex soon became the focus of our relationship. It was all I ever thought about with her. It became the all important thing in our relationship, at least, to me anyway. I stopped wanting to get to know her on any other level. And so, instead of growing closer together, we actually started drifting apart. That’s what I mean by “sex killed my best relationships.” People can relate on many different levels – emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. But when my girlfriend and I started relating mostly on the physical part of the relationship, it short-circuited the other important parts of our relationship. As a result, the relationship as a whole started to go south.

Looking back on that whole drama I realized that we might still be together today if we had waited.

I’ve seen this happen with countless other relationships, not just my own, but those of my friends. Here’s the reason why I think this happens.

For me, two things happened once I had sex with a girl. As I look back on it, I can say that they happened literally every time, although I was unaware of these dynamics at the time. The two things were this: 1) I lost respect for the girl (even though I didn’t want to); and 2) she began to mistrust me (even though she didn’t want to.)

I don’t know why this happened, I just know that it did. Maybe it’s just a built in response. But one thing is for sure: I’m not alone. I’ve seen it happen again and again, over and over. I know many people having marital problems because they had sex before they got married. They go into marriage with lack of respect and a lack of trust, two absolute necessities for the health of any relationship, let alone marriage.

Young Man in RedI know a newlywed couple who have sex less than once a month because of this. He doesn’t respect her, and she knows it. She doesn’t trust him, so she doesn’t want to give herself to him. It’s very sad, and more common than you might think.

How Far is Too Far?

couple-on-couch

Let’s face it, people want to have sex.

And honestly, nobody likes to be told what to do.

But when it comes to sex there need to be boundaries because it’s such a powerful thing.

So where do you draw the line?

Maybe we need to ask a different question. Rather than “How far is too far?”, let’s ask the question, “How much of yourself do you want to hold on to now so you can give it to your future husband or wife?”

Imagine for a moment, it’s your wedding night. You’ve spent months planning for this amazing wedding, spent bucko bucks on the flowers and ceremony. You even had that awesome band you wanted at the reception. But now you’re alone with this person that you have promised – in front of all those witnesses – to love and cherish for the rest of your life.

If you’ve already had sex before, then what will be the big deal about the wedding night? Hey, you might as well have saved all that money for the deluxe honeymoon suite and gone to play miniature golf instead! Wow, what a let down. The reality of “been there, done that” hits you in the face! (Maybe that’s why so many couples go on amazingly expensive honeymoons. Maybe they are looking for some other way to make it memorable.)

But, if you’ve saved it all! No one has gone there before. It’s all undiscovered territory. Then this night is a night like no other. This night is special beyond your wildest dreams! It’s the night you’ve looked forward to long before you even met your new marriage partner, because you’ve thought of this night a million times before while you were growing up. Your heart is beating wildly in your chest, you can’t wait to see your partner naked for the first time. It’s like opening Christmas gifts and getting everything you ever wished for. (A woman I know who was choosing abstinence from sex until marriage always told me that her honeymoon was not going to be in any exotic vacation place. She said that she wanted to go to some secluded boring cabin in the woods, because she planned on being quite busy with her new husband and wouldn’t have time for all the sight-seeing! I heard she got married last spring. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen her since then…)

Okay, back to the point:

You can technically go as far as you want to go now, but then you have to deal with all the negative consequences of going that far. And believe me, there are consequences. Or you can wait, and save the present until that special night; after you’ve made a promise to someone you love with all your heart and then present them with the special package of YOU!

These are the main stages of physical intimacy :

  1. The Look
  2. Small talk
  3. Flirting
  4. Holding hands
  5. Hugging
  6. Casual Kissing
  7. Passionate Kissing
  8. Touching over clothes
  9. Touching under clothes
  10. Sex

Where do you want the person you’re going to marry to have drawn the line with those who were before you? Do you want that person to have “made out” lots of times? What about one time? And would it be OK with you that someone else has touched that future spouse in intimate places? Is it okay if your future husband or wife had gotten naked with someone else? What if that person you will marry has already been touched by someone else? How would you feel if you ever met that person from your spouse’s past? Would you be alright if your future spouse had had lots of partners over time? Would you be worried about diseases?

It’s a whole lot different when you think about the person you’re going to marry, isn’t it?. You want that person reserved just for you. Well, guess what, your future husband or wife wants you “reserved” too. It feels really good to know someone saved everything for you, and was willing to wait for you. It makes you feel cherished and highly valued.

So the question you have to answer is not “How far is too far?”, but “How far do you want your future husband or wife going?” Then that is probably the answer you’re looking for…that’s the standard you should set for yourself.

Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating

Couple Sitting on beach

It started out innocently enough.

Couple Sitting on beachWhen Tasha and Antonio started dating they went to movies together and hung out together after school. But the longer they dated, the more intimate they became, until eventually they began sleeping together. After they broke up, the pain lasted for years.

Tasha and Antonio’s relationship demonstrates a common pattern in dating. Joshua Harris, who wrote an interesting book called “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” talks about some attitudes and behaviors when it comes to dating that cause some major problems. He calls them “The Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating.” Dating isn’t necessarily good or bad, but whether you choose to date or not you should be careful of these seven defects of dating.

The first defect is that dating leads to intimacy, but not necessarily to commitment. It’s normal when you’re spending a lot of time with someone to become intimate with them over time. Dating encourages intimacy for the sake of intimacy. The intimacy makes you feel close, without the commitment to stay together. And when the break up happens, often one of the partners is hurt.

Second, dating can encourage the couple to skip over the friendship stage, which is really important, to a place where romance is happening too quickly.

Third, dating couples often confuse physical passion for love. Passion makes the heart beat faster, like love, but it also can lead to some unhealthy physical choices.

Fourth, dating tends to isolate the couple by taking them away from other important relationships such as friendships, family and other interests.

Fifth, dating can sidetrack a teen from preparing for the future. A serious dating relationship can take a lot of time and energy to maintain, time that is often taken from developing gifts, getting to know other people and preparing for college.

Sixth, dating can cause us to believe the lie that we are only a whole person when we are in a relationship with a person of the opposite sex. The truth is that you are a great and amazing person all on your own without dating anyone.

Seventh, dating that keeps a couple isolated from friends and family can hinder a person from really getting to know the true character of another person. People need real life situations with family and friends to really get to know each other.

If you’re making the decision to date, or if you already are dating be careful not to allow these defective habits to ruin your relationship.

Top 5 Countdown of REWARDS

Top 5 Countdown of Rewards for Abstinence

Also known as “The Whole Point of Abstinence.”

Top 5 Countdown of Rewards for Abstinence

Ten Signs You’ve Found “The One”

Ten Signs That You Might Have Fournd The One

A helpful “checklist” to figure out if this is the kind of person you really want to be with…

Ten Signs That You Might Have Fournd The One

Reasons you need to break up

Dear John with reasons

You don’t have to have a bunch of reasons to break up with someone. But here are a few reasons where you would owe it to yourself to definitely get out!

Dear John with reasons

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