The Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating

When Tasha and Antonio started dating, they went to movies together and hung out together after school. But the longer they dated, the more intimate they became, until eventually they began sleeping together. After they broke up, the pain lasted for years. Tasha and Antonio’s relationship demonstrates a common pattern in dating. Joshua Harris, who wrote an interesting book called I Kissed Dating Goodbye, talks about some attitudes and behaviors when it comes to dating that cause some major problems. He calls them “The Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating.” Dating isn’t necessarily good or bad, but whether you choose to date or not you should be careful of these seven defects of dating.

  • First, dating leads to intimacy, but not necessarily to commitment. It’s normal when you’re spending a lot of time with someone to become intimate with them over time. Dating encourages intimacy for the sake of intimacy. The intimacy makes you feel close, without the commitment to stay together. And when the breakup happens, often one of the partners is hurt.
  • Second, dating can encourage the couple to skip over the friendship stage, which is really important, to a place where romance is happening too quickly.
  • Third, dating couples often confuse physical passion for love. Passion makes the heart beat faster, like love, but it also can lead to some unhealthy physical choices.
  • Fourth, dating tends to isolate the couple by taking them away from other important relationships such as friendships, and family, and other interests.
  • Fifth, dating can sidetrack a teen from preparing for the future. A serious dating relationship can take a lot of time and energy to maintain, time that is often taken from developing gifts, getting to know other people, and preparing for college.
  • Sixth, dating can cause us to believe the lie that we are only a whole person when we are in a relationship with a person of the opposite sex. The truth is that you are a great and amazing person all on your own without dating anyone.
  • Seventh, dating that keeps a couple isolated from friends and family can hinder a person from really getting to know the true character of another person. People need real life situations with family and friends to really get to know each other.

If you’re making the decision to date, or if you already are dating, be careful not to allow these defective habits to ruin your relationship.