Saying No

  • Take a deep breath and say these words, “No, I don’t want to have sex”.
  • If the question arises while you are kissing or fooling around, stop what you are doing and change the tone of the moment. Emphasize your words with actions.
  • Be prepared for questions and/or objections. Stay true to yourself and your stated feelings.
  • Calmly explain why you choose abstinence. List all of your reasons, be they religious, moral, personal, or situational (or any combination of these).
  • If you have had sex before, don’t let the other person use this to bully you into it now. Just because you have done it before doesn’t mean you have to do it every time you are asked.
  • Tell the other person how you feel about them and be honest. If you don’t feel close enough to them yet, say so. If you really love them but aren’t interested in sex, say so.
  • Tell the other person the depth of your commitment to abstinence. If you don’t plan on having sex until you are married, say so. If you are curious but not ready, say so.
  • There is no reason for you to downplay how you feel about sex or sex with this specific person. At times like this, honesty is an absolute must.
  • If the other person keeps on pressing, say “No!” again. You may have to say this more than once to make them see you are serious.
  • Do not try to diffuse the tension with lots of kissing and/or other physical gestures. This will confuse your message of “No!”
  • Draw the line firmly and if the other person doesn’t appear to be getting it, leave.
  • If the other person starts trying to coerce you or force you to have sex, YELL “No!” and physically push them away. Leave and talk about it the next day.
  • If the other person pulls the old “If you loved me, you’d do it” line, retort with “If you loved me you’d wait”. Sex is not a test of your love or feelings for another person, and saying “No!” to sex does not mean you have failed to show your love.
  • If you feel uncertain of your ability to stay true to your initial no, leave. Your first instinct was to say no and now is not the time to second-guess yourself.
  • Remind yourself that if it was meant to be with you and this other person, it was meant to be right for both of you, not only one of you. Saying no now does not mean you are saying no forever.
  • Tips:
  1. Abstinence is the only 100% effective form of birth control and the only way you can guarantee you won’t catch an STI.
  2. If you aren’t a virgin you can still choose abstinence with pride. You are not a hypocrite if you say yes one time and no another, even if it is to the same person.
  3. Having sex is a big deal and abstaining from sex is more than acceptable. Despite what rumors and gossip may suggest, virgins are a majority in most high schools, not a minority.
  4. If you kiss somebody passionately or get into heavy fooling around, this does not mean that you have to go all the way and it does not make you a tease.
  5. Intimacy takes many forms. Intercourse is not the only or best way to show somebody the depth of your feelings. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.